1. "How deep is your love?"

    "I don’t know. How deep is the ocean?"

     

  2. college: the official entry (I)

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    I still can’t believe that I’m officially in college! Four months ago, I am unsure of the path I’m going to take and still anxious about leaving my comfort zone. But now, here I am, in flesh and blood, an iskolar ng bayan. The thought of being a kolehiyala still hasn’t sink in neither the fact that I am studying here in Elbi.

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    Few days before leaving, I’ve come to experience this “itch” to go. A day after actually leaving, I’d wanted to go back sooner as I could. I guess that’s why I have to regard mondays as ‘leaving the house’ and fridays as ‘coming home’, but there’d be times when I cannot come home because of examinations and field trips.

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    My memories of campus tour were quite hazy. I barely remember that day but the immense tiredness I have felt that day and how my four month gained skin tone lost to a day of touring the campus.

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    Our tour guides were really approachable and nice. It’s nice we were enlightened about our degree program. We’ve played this certain game as well which is called the name game, which in you have to memorize all the names of people before you and then introduce yourself afterwards.

    Instant fame: I’ve mistaken Bryan for someone therefore losing to the game. I, however, introduced myself with a suffix of “OH MY GOD” therefore all of them call me by the name of ‘Amica-Ohmygod’. Name’s stuck. Some of my blocmates are still calling me by that name, by the way.

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    Dorm’s been pretty great too. It was my shelter when I cry out every night calling for my grandma because she’s not there beside me anymore. I have been having hate tweets regarding about Globe on my first week, by the way. #PaasaKaGlobe

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    First day was all about orientations. We had Sol Aragones, an alumna of the university, as our guest speaker that day. Her speech is actually inspiring, and she even came down and did some things that made it looked she was on the television, reporting.

    Matapang because forever an aspiring Merida.

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    Come on out and find me. (Uhm yes, I was THE purple hat.)

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    Had to do some outfit change afterwards for freshman night. I really had fun because we were forced to stand from our seats from the games to the time when Wyre had this flashmob of Scream.

    Plot twist: We joined the flashmob.

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    Most of my blocmates had to leave because they have 7 am classes so I tagged along with Bloc G, which I have met and talked to online even before classes have started. (It was a four month vacation, duh.)

    Thank you Bloc G for adopting me.

    Freshmen night also stands for Freedom because the bands allowed us to have selfies with them whilst they’re performing. Some were jamming with them. Some were moving their skateboards in front of them. It may totally looked like a riot but hell, who cares?

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    I also had the chance to witness a protest rally in the first week! Ha, I’ve already memorized their slogan chant: Iskolar ng bayan, lumalaban! UP-LB! Tunay na palaban, makabayan!

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    Spongecola came to uni and had their blast concert. I DID NOT COME BECAUSE:

    a.) not going to be ashamed but I had this massive tagos and I am wearing white shorts,

    b.) long story short, I had to go to dorm to change and fix myself therefore will consume a quite long time

    c.) by the time I am done, it’s already 7 pm and I have no companion to go there

    Yes? Uh-huh. I let my best chance on getting to hear Yael sing live,  slipped. Luck is not on my side that week, eh?

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    One of the highlights in studying here is that I am blocmates with the great and cute Sammy. Every day is spent laughing with her and the rest of my blocmates. God has truly blessed me with this amazing set of people.

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    But of course, the highlight most of all is being able to realize to give back and to offer yourself with no doubts.

    Serve the people!

     

  3. where she went

    Roughly two months ago, I have been in the utmost sad point of my life. I toast for such a great loneliness beckoning me and I curse every 23rd day of the month.

    I sleep late, and also wake up late. My systems had been fucked up. It feels like there’s this horrible drug I’ve been taking. I also feel the need to drink coffee every morning because my head’s been aching from what it seemed like to be a hangover. What’s that? Drunk on my thoughts? Drunk on the feeling of being drifting slowly… drifting away from my consciousness?

    But the past few days I have refrained myself from sleeping late. I decided to do this change. Jog every morning. Have a hearty breakfast. It’s been good although recently, I have come to experience this uncertain kind of allergy attack. I have never experienced it before.

    There’s a literal tug in my chest. I cannot breathe and I am chasing it. I’ve mistaken it for having a difficulty in swallowing but I’ve been admitted to the infirmary.

    Good thing though, I am fine now. I guess I am not in need of any more pain, eh?

    Currently, I am in the tug of war between losing my old self and embracing change.

    Damn, how do you let go of the best thing you have been?

     

  4. "The memory fades, and I’m left hanging on to the ghosts of his words."
    — Marie Lu, Legend

    (Source: larmoyante, via introv-erted)

     
  5. I’ve left home a couple of times already. I am not new about the fact that I would feel emptiness as I walk down across the streets, and I would feel longing tugging between my blanket at the middle of the night.

    The first time I left home, I was sent to Pangasinan because my parents couldn’t find someone to watch me over because they have to work and they are both in night shift. Just few weeks after I turned four. I stayed there for two months and I thought it won’t happen again.

    I was wrong. It did. Boy, it did happen again. The struggle of finding a house helper is infuriating. I’ve been with babysitters who’d hurt me at their pleasure. It’s an A++ for a childhood, isn’t it?

    One of the main reasons why I asked for a sibling is so they could not make me leave. They really, really, really have to find someone and I won’t have to leave home again.

    Today, I’m leaving home again. Or maybe I’ve left already by the time you are reading this. It’s probably because of the always fleeing and fleeting series of my life that I’ve always been homesick my entire existence.

    Always searching for home. Searching it on people if they have roofs in their arms, if they have open windows on their eyes. Until that whole chase seemed to be the closest to home. It became home.

    Tomorrow is the start of seeking for the great perhaps, or maybe we are all seeking for it the entirety of our lives.

    There are goodbyes to be said.

    I will never say mine.

     
  6. Sauntering around Manila: Project Greenery

    They say that I’ve always have a keen eye for trees. The nature has really got something ethereal within it, and the good thing about it is that it’s ours.

    It’s one of the few things that they can never take from us. A landscape, a scenery, a prairie, a view from the mountain — cut it, destroy it, flatten it — the images imprinted on our mind will never cease.

     
  7. Sauntering around Manila: Zoology

    The real plan is to name this “The Birds and The Beasts”, recalling a short story I’ve read when I was in third grade (Or was it the battle between the birds and the beasts?) but somehow I thought it kinda appears drastic thus the change of name. 

    I don’t know what’s happening but I found myself telling and whispering them — the animals — to hold on, or something like that. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen the real state of the zoo after many years of not being back.

    My favorite would be the aviary section because some of the birds made it through out the roof and they were flying around it but not far from their place. It reminds me of Madagascar because I can sense freedom there! However, I took a selfie with a tiger because it’s my spirit animal — the grumpy cat, err.. tiger.

    It’s also a lovely thing that I’ve visited two zoos just after I am finished reading Life of Pi. The book opened my eyes regarding about how growing up in a zoo is not bad at all, quite wonderful even.

    “I am the Zero Zoo. See the empty cage that is my heart. I’d like to imprison your love there.
” — Jarod Kintz, Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.